I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think i got beer on your cat.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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