New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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