yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
