Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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