sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
