ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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