You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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