positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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