we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
