you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
