***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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