mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
