you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
