i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
