Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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