some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
