hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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