we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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