Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
