I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
