Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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