Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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