you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
