you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
