just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
