it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
