Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
