Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
