your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
