i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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