just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
