As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
