I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
