I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
