A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
