at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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