totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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