so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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