I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
