and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
