That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
