After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
