What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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