How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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