I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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