very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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