I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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