a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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