Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
