The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
